Photography & Concept & Writing r my property #peace.
you’d have a chest that’s —
and words would keep —
Back and forth
You’d speak gently and
your heart’d be —
I’m on threshold of my college years, my future looming over. I’m inexplicably calm for someone in my predicament; Masters, PhD, job hunting…? I haven’t quite decided on a prime route yet. But it feels like a game — maybe one of chess or Jeopardy!
“Jeopardy!” hmm. Although I don’t play or watch games (I haven’t really watched this one), I can still recognize that it is qualitatively a good game. So what if this next step in my life were like Jeopardy? What if I already knew my answer; knew where I want to get; knew the end? And all I’d need were the right questions — the right questions that would put me on the right path.
What if I had the finished poster of a movie and its ratings and its actors? Maybe like a vision, my life would stick like glue; well not my life but the crumbled pieces of my life that seem to have no order or purpose. Maybe like a dream, I wouldn’t feel like fading with the background or have my fingers sink to the ground.
Or maybe i’d feel pressure; fleshy and bulky. Feel like see-through; limpid and glassy. I’d let my answer eat me alive and I’d burn it to the ground.
Can we handle the answer or do we need our questions first?
If my life were like a game, no I mean if my future were like a game: Glamorous. Crazy Reality. Whether I’d have my answer first, veiled as a vision or a dream or a slice from another life; whether I’d have my questions or next move planned — I wouldn’t take it too seriously, not to say that I wouldn’t be fully present.
I do think though that that’s the paradox of life: we lead serious lives whether we’re serious or not. It’s absurd; I think that’s how most people start losing themselves. They get caught up in the wrong questions or the wrong games or the wrong mindsets and then all of a sudden, they’re out of life and shine.
If my life were like a game, no I mean if my future were like a game, I’d play for the experience; for the thrill of competing, challenges and the sense of reward. I’d play to have fun. That’s how it would go — like any game should.