Photography directed & edited & styled by Alexandra Roman
~ 7 minute read ~
The phenomena can be seen all throughout the world. Recent studies showed that one of the reasons was due to a sense of feeling overwhelmed. UCLA's freshman survey indicated that students spent more than 16 hours a week engaged in commitments and were felt feeling "overwhelmed by all they had to do", whether that being hanging out with friends, doing homework, attending class, clubs, etc...
Before we emerge into this topic more, let's first define loneliness:
Loneliness is defined as lackng social connectedness
How is this possible though? Our generation finds itself at a time when access to friendship, new connections and surroundings ( & overwhelming amount of social media platforms meant to "connect" people) are at their peak. And yet, more than half of us cry out that we feel left out, isolated, depressed, misunderstood and overall, alone
(and no one hears us).
What if self-sabotage comes into play? It's an addiction we're not aware of until it's too late. We get a bad grade, get dumped, let go of a friend, run out of episodes of "Money Heist" or "Altered Carbon" to watch, family tensions, get hospitalized....
We begin spiraling (without realizing). We begin sabotaging ourselves by entering subconscious episodes of self denial. We begin projecting and externalizing our sadness
(where there's reactivity, there's a wound)
Any event can trigger a domino effect of self-sabotage (such events include getting into mutually destructive relationships, low self esteem, induced isolation, etc).
The problem with entering self-deceptive states and therefore, self-sabotage states, is that you aren't aware you're emerged in them because you carry out policies whose purpose is to maintain such false beliefs (you attribute your feelings to some other source , you become interested in news stories about unhappy people or corrupt people, etc). You do not explicitly realize that you are carrying out such policies.
Sartre's famous example on self-deceptive states:
I. You are envious of M, who was just admitted to Harvard Law School.
II. You are convinced that you are not envious (you claim that you don't think highly of lawyer's values, etc)
III. You have evidence that you are envious (you feel strangely uncomfortable & envious around her)
IV. You carry out false beliefs (like becoming interested in news stories about corrupt & unhappy lawyers)
V. You don't realize that you're carrying out these false beliefs (self-sabotage)
Nonetheless, self-denial & sabotage states can be broken. When you are deeply attuned into yourself - when you're truly in alignment with your true authentic self, then false beliefs and sabotage techniques crumble. You start emanating higher frequencies and start to naturally attract people, opportunities and events that actually match your true self.
There are truly real consequences for young adults and society in general, when people are disconnected from themselves and their feelings. We find it easier to have small talk, be alone, emerge ourselves in work 'nd distractions or keep things buried deep inside, instead of stepping within and being vulnerable (with both ourselves and those around us).
Simone de Beauvoir claimed that one of our main purposes was to raise the collective consciousness. This translates to everyone being self-aware. By doing so, we move onward from self-victimization/ hopelessness patterns - instead of attracting individuals who don't value, respect nor understand us (who in turn, trigger hurtful experiences), we begin attracting the opposite.
Exactly 1 year ago, someone told me "if it feels uncomfortable, then you're probably breaking through". To be honest, I didn't get it at first - because it had to do with self -awareness and therefore, "self-honesty", which i wasn't at the time.
I think loneliness can occur from a lack of being honest with yourself, whether due to traumas, sufferings or simple fear to see what's really going on. The thing is though, if you don't even allow yourself "into" your own mind and soul; if you can't even be honest with yourself and admit to things you feel and think, then how can someone else?
Instead of fortifying your walls and denials, let yourself b-r-e-a-t-h. Nurture your soul with deep talks and confessions & profound readings and passions & nature walks &art ... don't cover your soul nor inner child with surface level trinkets - don't change the way you breath.